The story so far...

Can you identify a station from just a paving slab? Sadly, some people can
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tubeguru
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Re: The story so far...

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What are you lot talking about?
One thing only do I know, and that is that I know nothing - Socrates.

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Re: The story so far...

Post by GuyBarry »

RobbieM wrote:Finally completed the puzzle readthrough, and managed to identify 269 out of 270. The one I missed was 'East Acton'.
Yes, I thought I sneaked that one in rather neatly!
This could really be a blockbuster when it goes to Hollywood.
Oh yeah. In fact I think the discussion about parking arrangements in Wick could become a major motion picture on its own :wink:

If people are even semi-serious about turning this into a publishable story it's going to need a lot of work. Even after tidying up, the plot is absolutely full of holes (as you might expect from a story written a couple of sentences at a time by about a dozen different people!). Wes, Colin and Stan are left stranded in Norwich and the next time we hear from them they're performing at Eurovision in Manchester. Major characters like Richard, Ava, John and Ken aren't introduced until halfway through the story. Don's role needs explaining better - who exactly is he? (He doesn't seem to have a surname either.) And we'll need a much more convincing explanation of why someone who can't sing and has never been to Ireland is suddenly cast as Ireland's great Eurovision hope...

It might be possible to re-jig the order of events, and perhaps pad the story out with more material so that the station references come less frequently and are less obvious. No one's going to have problems finding the four "Finchley" stations all next to each other, but maybe if PC Finchley becomes a more important character they could be distributed more subtly throughout the story.

I've still got some time on my hands at the moment (slowly starting to get bits of work here and there), so I may be able to have a go at a more substantial rewrite, but we need to think about restructuring the plot first. I'll post some ideas soon.

But if it's purely intended as a puzzle with no literary merit, I think it's pretty much OK as it stands.
Last edited by GuyBarry on 23 Oct 2013, 09:57, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The story so far...

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GuyBarry wrote:I've still got some time on my hands at the moment
Understatement of the year.
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Re: The story so far...

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tubeguru wrote:
GuyBarry wrote:I've still got some time on my hands at the moment
Understatement of the year.
I spent the whole of yesterday sitting on a bus handing out questionnaires to passengers. Must have been up and down the route half-a-dozen times. I bet The Orange One has never done that particular challenge :)
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Re: The story so far...

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No, my bus challenging is extremely limited - though I wouldn't mind an all-London R15 (where Tube Stations, DLR Stations, LO Stations, NR Stations and bus routes can be picked).
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Re: The story so far...

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GuyBarry wrote:And we'll need a much more convincing explanation of why someone who can't sing and has never been to Ireland is suddenly cast as Ireland's great Eurovision hope...
Ever seen that episode of Father Ted?
:)
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Re: The story so far...

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GuyBarry wrote:But if it's purely intended as a puzzle with no literary merit, I think it's pretty much OK as it stands.
This is what I envisaged initially. Maybe we should just release it into the big wide world and see what happens. When Hollywood eventually picks up on it, they'll change the plot-line anyway to suit themselves. Maybe Paul Miller will marry Sister Mary in their twist :wink:
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Re: The story so far...

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I've come to the point ot the novel (now complete with two appendices) where Don's arrival is going to be beefed up. Surname suggestions please!

The way I see it is that Don has much more than is required for Colin's National Trust garden visit ( ~ £1,000), and so he agrees to pay Wes, Colin, and Stan the money, which is payed off to Roy.

I'll throw up a version when I've finished editing.
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Re: The story so far...

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1 FNC Completion (PB: 17:18:18 with G Bryant, A Chilcraft, I MacNaughton)
4 Zone Ones (PB: 03:00:35 with G Bryant)
15 R15s (PB: 01:55:48 with T Cooling and R Jackson)
11 All Lines (PB: 00:44:03)
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Re: The story so far...

Post by GuyBarry »

I like it! Looks very professional now, and you've certainly improved the story in several places. There are still a few bits that need sorting out, I think, but I'll go over it again in detail later.

I notice that the walk in the country now goes on for months, which seems a little unlikely. I realize that Eurovision takes place in May and the conversation between Walt and Ava has to mention September, but there are a couple of ways of sorting that out; either Walt's arrival is shifted to a few months later, or the exchange becomes "When are you next on holiday?" (I think the second one is better, but I'll think about it some more.)
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Re: The story so far...

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It's good! You should publish.
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Re: The story so far...

Post by GuyBarry »

Here are my detailed comments on Hopeful Traveller's version. The plot is starting to make more sense now but I'm still thinking of doing a more substantial rewrite where Richard and Ava are introduced at the beginning of the story - at present it starts rather jerkily and incoherently. Good work from HT though!
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Re: The story so far...

Post by hopeful traveller »

p5 - Nationalisation is possibly the best thing to say here (and I'd never thought I'd say that).

p6 - Can't really change that to be honest. I think it's better from a storytelling point of view to keep Colin's intro as it is.

p12 - It's super-important not to edit out Russell Square here. But I think the women selling the better handbags should stay. Actually, scratch that, your version will have to be put in, as I can't keep "chorus sell square" without it not making sense.

p16 - It was the only thing I could think of for the scouts being there. Now, I have it as they're waiting to be picked up by their parents (otherwise we lose Pimlico, Charing Cross, Victoria, and Perivale).

p20 - The subject of the conversation changes, and "I think you'll understand why" is a good place to end a chapter in my view.

p23 - The original was 'made a surprise appearance', which just seemed too cheesy to me. We have to keep in Hendon Central - Why not '[...] central to the plot, surprisingly turned up in prison.'?

p25 - Again, better to keep it for narrative effect.

p27 - Well, in Manchester, anything comes. I wanted to make the Eurovision scene a lot more accurate - so there's no such thing as a 'qualifying heat'. I think mine is better from an accuracy point of view.

p28 - I've taken the whole thing about Ken's revelation until between the British and German rehearsals. The original had in two paragraphs about the same topic (which I don't like), so the rehearsal was fused into one with 'then a startling [...]' moved until after 'the taxi driver from earlier on'.

p29 - I've not included Richard's house's location as I always assumed it was in Norwich!

New version: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4ATqPw ... =drive_web
1 FNC Completion (PB: 17:18:18 with G Bryant, A Chilcraft, I MacNaughton)
4 Zone Ones (PB: 03:00:35 with G Bryant)
15 R15s (PB: 01:55:48 with T Cooling and R Jackson)
11 All Lines (PB: 00:44:03)
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Re: The story so far...

Post by GuyBarry »

Yes, that looks a lot better now - thanks. I've still got a few quibbles over certain details, but I'll raise them on the blog.

I'm starting to wonder whether it might be good idea to set up a wiki so that any of us can edit the story - there are at least four of us with a keen interest, and maybe others would like to make changes as well. I've never installed a wiki but it can't be too hard - anyone got any experience?
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Re: The story so far...

Post by hopeful traveller »

GuyBarry wrote:Yes, that looks a lot better now - thanks. I've still got a few quibbles over certain details, but I'll raise them on the blog.

I'm starting to wonder whether it might be good idea to set up a wiki so that any of us can edit the story - there are at least four of us with a keen interest, and maybe others would like to make changes as well. I've never installed a wiki but it can't be too hard - anyone got any experience?
I had a go once and it was near-impossible. I contacted the installer of The Countdown Wiki and it was terrible.
1 FNC Completion (PB: 17:18:18 with G Bryant, A Chilcraft, I MacNaughton)
4 Zone Ones (PB: 03:00:35 with G Bryant)
15 R15s (PB: 01:55:48 with T Cooling and R Jackson)
11 All Lines (PB: 00:44:03)
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