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You board a SWT to Kingston to admire the Thames

And then get on a number 57 at stop A2. As you pass Wimbledon, who should flag it down but...

none other than your evil twin. He tries to blag his way onto the bus without paying saying that he's been on the bus the whole time. After you both get thrown out for disorderly behaviour, your evil twin boards a 57 back to Kingston but alights at Raynes Park. You do too, as you now have to look after him. You board the first train to Thames Ditton

You both get on a 513 bus to Downside. Your evil twin seems very happy at this, perhaps he has not considered the downside. You knock him out and leave him to be abandoned in Downside, while you get off at Oxshott Station.

Very convenient place to board a SWT to Guildford, so you do that.

Upon arrival at Guildford, you pop down to Krispy Kreme, get some Krispy Kremes, and get back to the station for the 1822 to Battersea Park.

However you realise the train is late so you go back for more. On the way back you get sidetracked by ...

... a Fulham player who shouts "it wasn't FM14". Disbelievingly, you consult the Premier League table and find out he's telling the truth. You collapse and end up in Northwick Park hospital.

You get on the Paternoster Lift and go round and round and round and round and round...

After that you feel quite sick, but you were told that it was just a 'funny turn'. Upon release from the hospital you realise that Fulham were never actually top of the EPL and that whoever said it was lying. Fulham's youth team had made to the youth cup final, but lost to Chelsea 7-6 on aggregate. A very distressed hopeful traveller imposes an injunction that no references to Fulham be made by anyone ever again. The team mysteriously vanishes, and after arriving at where Craven Cottage should be, by bus, only residential housing remains. You head south into Putney Bridge and go digging on the Thames' bank...

And you find a discarded destination board from the 424 bus, which clearly is unable to terminate at a place that no longer exists, so has been scrapped. Pity, it was a pretty nice route. The number is reallocated to a new route that shuttles people non-stop between Wembley Central and Wembley Park.

Realising that the tide has come in whilst you've been digging, and you're up to your waist in water, you decide a swim would be the best way of continuing your journey. Being an excellent swimmer, you head all the way down the Thames, eventually reaching the lifeboat station at the end of Southend Pier.

Oh no you don't!! You get caught up in the Thames Barrier. Oops! You drown. Game Over.

Or perhaps not. You are hauled from the river as you pass Southwark Bridge by Charlie Chaplin's Chauffeur, who must be really old by now.

We've now entered a whole new paradigm - the last couple of entries put us in three places at once. The next stages need to contain three journeys (each in a different parallel universe), until they reunite somehow...

J1: Take the train from the end of Southend Pier up to the start of the pier.

J2: Your body is gently washed downstream until it gets lodged under the QE2 bridge.

J3: Charlie Chaplain's chauffer drives you to London Bridge station.

Can you juggle three journeys at once? We actually have 8 options, so here they are:

Option 1) Converge all options + resurrection, so all three options merge, bringing the person in option 2 back to life
Option 2) Converge all options, so the people in all three timelines die and the thread ends
Option 3) Converge options 1 and 3, and terminate option 2 nicely
Option 4) Diverge in this thread
Option 5) Diverge into three separate The Journey threads
Option 6) Choose one of options 1 and 3 and move on
Option 7) Rewind as far as being drunk and falling asleep at St Pancras International, and all this was a dream
Option Do a Doctor Who Series 6 style switch, where it was actually the evil twin who swam off, and he can die at the Thames Barrier for all I care, and the good twin who got stuck in Downside

As for the next stage of our travels:

J1: Stroll up the road to Southend Victoria station.

J2: A passing pollock gazes balefully at you.

J3: You take an all stations Southern service to Gatwick Airport, using the new Southern smartcard.

Evil Twin: You get up with difficulty, shake your head to clear it, and walk in the general direction of Cobham and Stoke d'Abernon station.

St Pancras: You have an enormous headache and aren't thinking straight, so you stumble into Neal's Yard to look for something of use.

Any decisions? I think option 2 would be sad, option 4 would be cluttered, option 5 could be confusing and option 7 must include a flight to Wichita.