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...Oxford Circus, where you board an escalator to...

The ticket hall. The two of you head up Portland Place and attempt to steal my bike. I catch you at it.

We run for refuge in the reception of the New Broadcasting House...

And get exterminated by the Dalek hiding in the lobby. Except the Doctor (in his Patrick Troughton incarnation) turns up with Tom Cooling, resuscitates you and transports you straight to South Kensington for the Random 15. Tangy tells you that the TARDIS counts as private transport, at which point the Doctor stomps off to save a planet.

After the disappointing exit of the Doctor, me, Rhys B and Rhys J head eastbound on a D78 stock to Sloane Square, ticking off one of the fourteen stations drawn at South Ken

You, our intrepid traveller, continue onwards as far as Westminster.

Yes, and following Rhys J's advice, we interchanged for a southbound Jubilee line service to London Bridge. [It's a shame we didn't do this for the real R15 earlier this month; getting stuck with those Chelsea fans was torture, in more ways than one]

Off to the Northern line up to Bank, where on the run to Monument you realise you are travelling with Kevin Brown.

Where he explains that he's heading west to catch a Piccadilly line train eastbound from Ealing Broadway, when he actually meant Ravenscourt Park. In light of this the three of us immediately took a Circle anti-clockwise before a sexy change...

At High Street Kensington onto a number 328 bus to whisk you down to Earl's Court, avoiding the signal failures. Upon arrival at Earl's Court, the clock hits 1 hour on your stopwatch. You have pulled this move off because the Kensington Triangle has very severe delays.

Now I complete the Fulham Broadway trip as all the awful Chelski fans have made their way into the stadium and I get a 1 min interchange for a northbound...

Which you ride to Earl's Court (luckily there were no delays on this train), and hit the westbound District, where there is an Olympia train on platform. It's always the alternatives, isn't it? The watch reads 1 hour 12 minutes, and a westbound District is due in 3.

So you pick up the next one, and ride as far as Baron's Court, where...

You see Nick and Tangy on an eastbound train, struggling back into town. As Team Rhys are not around to make me angry and cloud my judgement this time round, I have followed my original plan, which involved hopping on the Circle at Hammersmith and riding all the way to Monument. You also push Rhys Benjamin, Rhys Jackson and Tom Cooling off the train just before the doors close.

You continue onwards and westwards to Ravenscourt Park, where you stop the stopwatch with around 1 hour 25 minutes.

I annoy all the passengers on the train by putting my foot in the closing doors so I'm able to get back on [leaving behind two furious Rhys's]. I notice at Ravenscourt Park that due to a signal failure, Piccadilly line trains are also calling at the intermediate stations, so I board one as far as Chiswick Park.