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And a quick dash to the Piccadilly Line Westbound platform (where coincidentally, Bernard is waiting for you...)

You board a Piccadilly line train towards Rayners Lane, which you take as far as South Kensington. You get off there to go visit me.

As you climb up onto the Circle and District Line platforms, you see me (again) heading Eastbound in a D78, in the direction of the Victoria Line. After seeing me you walk up the stairs into the ticket hall, and begin pushing past all the tourists who seem to be scattered everywhere almost making a wall of people. You fight through the crowd and eventually have room to breathe after exiting the station. You hop on the 345 to Peckham and get off at Loughborough Junction after an overturned Reliant Robin blocks off the road from there on.

Hop on board a peak hours only Southeastern service to Kent House (can be found between Penge East and Beckenham Junction).

Get off and walk to a local chippy named 'Penge Quality Fish', where you buy cod and chips and then head to Beckenham Road Tramlink by foot.

Get on a tram, I guess. To East Croydon station. Pick up a crossword book from the WHSmith on the left, then through the ticket barriers, and...

take the First Capital Connect to Farringdon (where this journey really took off courtesy of scrxisi at the beginning). Reminiscing over the past, you realise you've now been to so many WH Smiths that you're starting to repeat - East Croydon was one of the first - and check yourself into St Bartholomew's Hospital for WH Smith addiction.

Ride in one of the St Bart's lifts up and down thirty-four times.

..before a doctor finally comes to talk to you. He advises you not to visit WH Smiths again, but instead replace it with something else. For a bit of variety. So you decide it's going to be Angus Steak Houses.

Take the Circle Line directly to Paddington - whichever Paddington you would like to visit.

It's the H&C one, as it's furthest from the tempting stationer/bookseller.

Get a FGW (driven by Tubeguru) to Plymouth.

Go and take out some money in the Santander, then take the ferry to Santander, Spain.

Walk from the ferry terminal to Santander Cathedral.

Sneak into the back and steal their supply of communion wine.

The Policia are called after an elderly tourist spots you, you make a mad, slightly tipsy dash for the station as you hear sirens. Co-incidentally as you hit the station there is a RENFE service bound for Madrid waiting for you, so you board and go all the way to Madrid. You then meet Gareth Bale at Madrid station.

He is on his way to Madrid-Barajas Airport, so you go with him on the Madrid Metro.