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Walk to Homebase, Bromley.

You ask yourself, "Where is this Homebase, Bromley?". Looking outside, you find it's actually closer to Catford (near Beckenham Hill station). You buy yourself some Dulux Paint in "sexy pink", then board the 54 to Elmers End, where you delight in using your newfound paint to brighten up Metrobus's awful colour scheme (it's really horrible!).

As you pass by Beckenham Junction, you realise this might be a good way to hypothetically link Beckenham Junction with Elmers End, should anyone ever want to link up the ends of Tramlink lines extremely quickly for any particular reason.

After reaching Elmers End, and being photographed outside the bus you painted pink by the Metro you hop on Tramlink, and head towards Croydon where you decide it's fun to go around the Croydon loop five times. This makes you feel dizzy eventually and you stumble off at West Croydon.

You must have done a lot more than 5 Croydon loops, for it's morning the next day and you take the X68 Limited Stop to Russell Square.

(N.B. This is actually something I did - going round and round Croydon several times on Tramlink before taking the last X68 up into town. It was my last day of chasing buses, and my first chasing alternative challenge records - I remember it fondly)

You then walk through Russell Square park heading towards Goodge Street. When you arrive at Goodge Street you find the McDonald's near the station and eat a tasty looking sausage and egg McMuffin (although it's nicer at 5am as I know from experience), and then head back underground to Goodge Street.

Where you hop onto the Northern Line on a direct train to Morden.

293 to Epsom.

South West Trains to Motspur Park.

Realise there's nothing there and get straight back on to Waterloo.

As the train pulls out of Vauxhall, you begin a loud rendition of "Waterloo". Everyone in the carriage joins in apart from a guy with his head bent over a tube map. Realising he's one of those tube challenger people, you decide to leave him alone as he's probably on a R15 or something.

You get off at Waterloo and proceed to travel the length of the drain seventeen times, and leaving the train at Bank, you meet your tube challenger again. As you both run towards the Central line eastbound platforms, you start a conversation. His name is...

...Bernard.

You get a direct train to Epping and walk into town. There's a new WHSmith in Epping, so you go and buy a 2014 diary.

Jump on the next northbound bus to Harlow.

Where you then hop on the 510 up to Bishop's Stortford, taking a detour to say hello to me! after another 20 minute wait between buses you take the next 510 into Bishop's Stortford town centre.

Taking a walk up South St, you start to experience WHSmith withdrawal symptoms. Handily there's one right by you, so you pop inside to buy a birthday card for...

...Bernard.

Hop on board the Stansted Express to Stansted Airport.