tubechallenge.com

"Mum, you'll never guess what! I'm going out with BEN TONight!"

Beck had just returned from her rather eventful junction spotting expedition, and this was the last thing she wanted to hear - Hillary had a date with the awful Ben Field.

"You must BE DEmented. He won't last LONG. BEN TONight, another boy tomorrow."
"He's not a boy, Mum, he's a real MAN - OR So the other girls tell me!" Hillary sniggered. "Can you lend me a few quid please?"
"I'm not a BANK! FOOTing the bill for your love life isn't my job. You've got your own money - how much is HE WORTH to you?"
"I've only got twenTY."
"NED OCKley, your grandfather, could feed a family for a week on twenty quid. You're not having a penny."

"Surely you can lend me that £30 I saw you with yesterday - look, it's over there in the JAR!"
"ROWing on like this won't help, Hillary! Your mother knows beST!"
"JAMES never caused you to react in this way! Why should Ben be any different?"
Ah yes, thought Beck. The wonderful James Kopje. He had been one of Hillary's more sensible boyfriends. Such a shame that a family incident had necessitated him going back home to South Africa. If only he would return to the UK one day...

"Look, Hillary, I've had a difficult day. Jane crashed my car and then I spent hours in the police station. Ask your uncle PERCY."
"MA, I Never ask uncle Percy for money. You know how tight he is."
"Find some courage! Of my three children, you must be the lEAST BOLD ONe. I'll phone him up for you."

Hillary's face FELL. IN Great anguish, she grabbed the phone from Beck.

After dialling her brother J. ESMOND's number, she said ''I'm coming round to yours'', and off she went

J. Esmond's real name was John, but he was posh so always wrote it as J. Esmond.
''Let me through the GATES!''
''HEAD on through'' he said
Walking past haystacks, she asks ''Where do you get all this HAY?''
''MARKET down the road'' John replied.
''Who's stall?''
''SIMON'S. IDEally, I'd get them from the ST-''
''PETER'S, right?'' she interrupted
''How did you know?'' Mr. Esmond asked
''You told me at BROCKLEY WHIN School, next to the ferry port where they were against racism, so everyone called it the fAIR PORT''
''So I did. The port where the KING'S TON PARK was built?''
'' The one opened by the REGENT''
''CENTRE court was built in LEGO, and we read The Grove, BY K. E. Robson, about a house whose WALLS END ''
'Never end, you mean!''
''Yes''
'''The fist passenger was a MONK''
''SEATON was the destination''
''On PARK LANE and where another FOUR LANE END (She could never remember them, and wasn't amazing at grammar)''
''But not in London''
''Yes. That one''

And thus their time was passed.


(This is hard!)

When she got home, Hillary decided to CALL ERTON PARK, her friend who could read her PALM. ERS VILLE is where Erton lived.

But, as Hillary reached her garden gate, she FELL! 'GATEs always do that to me' she said, picking her self up. 'I need a leMON'
'UM'
'ENTwhistle!' Entwhistle was her nanny, who told her to stay clear of Lemons...

Suddenly behind her she heard a loud gufFAW. DON was standing there, needless to say. HOW DON ever got there was a complete mystery.

"Who are you?" asked Hillary.
"I'm Maurice HoPE, LAWyer. And I think I can help you."

[Note: Don is a recurring character in all the stories who always assumes a false identity.]

Suddenly, Don was overcome by a tremendous itCH
"ICH! ESTER!!!!!"(he couldn't say Och, as he wasn't Scottish)

She was talking to John Esmond.
"My favourite song is Go WEST. J.ESMOND, meet Don, my husband. He lives with Ernie, by the SEA"
"BURNy"
"Sorry?"
"It's Burny, not Ernie"
"Oh. He lives with Burny, by the sea."

"Whereabouts?"
"In a boat up in YorkSHIRE, MOORed off the coast. Although sometimes they take it along a secret underground river."
"So the boat'S UNDER LAND then?"