The story so far...
Posted: 29 Sep 2013, 11:09
As the plot of the "Story from the Tube" has perhaps got a little convoluted, here's a summary of events so far. I think it would be a nice idea for the story to end when we've got through all the Underground stations - there are 116 left to go by my reckoning, so that should give us plenty to time to tie up all the loose ends...
After hearing a bizarre chorus of choking birds, Wes Tacton decided to capture them as a money-making scheme. He escaped to the countryside where he was joined by his friends Colin Dale and Stan More. Thinking they were in the clear, they travelled back to London where they were pursued by Inspector Warren Street of New Scotland Yard. They went into a pub where they met Roy Aloak, who offered them advice, but at a cost.
To raise the money they stole a car and hatched a plan to sell tube maps to the Saudis. As they travelled through Oxford they were spotted by Inspector Street, and jumped onto a train to Sheffield, where they sneaked into a convent and disguised themselves as gardeners. They tried to win over the Mother Superior, Sister Mary, by taking her out for a drink, but a mugger, Charles Denton, attacked her and stole her handbag. While this was going on, Inspector Street contacted his police colleagues and Denton was arrested. Wes, Colin and Sister Mary [what happened to Stan?] hailed a taxi to Norwich, but Colin ran out of money.
At this point there was something of a pause in proceedings, and the plot was largely forgotten, but they rang the mysterious Don, who was able to help. Johnny Depp then put in an appearance (for no obvious reason), and a game of Tube Challenger Cluedo commenced, featuring Mrs White, who had recently moved house during a storm. As she sheltered under a tree she met a group of smelly Boy Scouts, who attracted all sorts of vermin. They arranged for it to be exterminated but it came back again, so they bought a cage, which was delivered to the scout leader's house, but he was out.
The scout leader's maid, Ava, took delivery of the cage and gave the delivery men some sweets. She went out to buy some ham for supper, but as she arrived back at the house she noticed that Woody Allen was apparently approaching. (The scout leader, Richard Bromley, had returned by then.) The visitor turned out to be John Collier, a Woody Allen impersonator from Lancashire. Richard and Ava persuaded him to take part in a talent contest that was soon to take place in the northerly Scottish town of Wick, and invited him to stay for supper. They mentioned that Ken Sington might be able to help with parking arrangements in Wick.
As Ava went out to buy some fruit, she spotted a suspicious man who (unknown to her) was a cannibal. She phoned Wes and Colin [who had presumably returned from Norwich in the meantime] and also Stan [making a welcome reappearance], and they agreed to come soon. Then the police arrived, followed for some reason by the Cannabis Alliance leader. The cannibal shot him and was instantly arrested and sentenced to prison.
In prison, Don made a surprise reappearance. It turned out that he was a criminal guru who had slipped up and been arrested. But he had a secret plan to escape by boring through the prison walls, and got into a getaway car, driven by his accomplice Ken. On the journey to Islip (in Oxfordshire) Don asked Ken to marry him, but Ken said he was in love with someone else. When they arrived in Islip Don was rearrested but somehow escaped going back to prison. Don and Ken then headed for Wick in Scotland, where it was revealed that Ken was none other than Ken Sington, the car parking organizer for the talent contest that John Collier was due to take part in.
Don said he was unhappy and would go back south unless Ken sang at the competition. In another unexplained twist, the whole event was transported to Manchester and became the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest, with Ken representing Britain and John representing Ireland. Bizarrely, Azerbaijan was represented by Wes, Colin, Stan and Roy [the stranger in the pub from the early scenes], but just as they were about to go on stage they were arrested by Inspector Street, making a dramatic reappearance. Turkey won the competition, with Ken coming a poor 19th for Britain, and John finishing last for Ireland, mainly because he did the whole song as Woody Allen.
Back in London, Richard and Ava now had a new visitor, Walt Miller, grandson of Walt Disney. In Manchester, Inspector Street took the four suspects to the police station for interrogation. Ken went back to his old job as a car park attendant, when he encountered the cricketer Phil Tufnell. John was talent-spotted by the American impresario Ed G. Ware and taken down to London to arrange a deal. Don, despairing after being abandoned by Ken, headed down into Yorkshire where he entered a monastery on a lonely moor, and pretended to be a soldier.
You'll need to read the rest to find out what happens!
After hearing a bizarre chorus of choking birds, Wes Tacton decided to capture them as a money-making scheme. He escaped to the countryside where he was joined by his friends Colin Dale and Stan More. Thinking they were in the clear, they travelled back to London where they were pursued by Inspector Warren Street of New Scotland Yard. They went into a pub where they met Roy Aloak, who offered them advice, but at a cost.
To raise the money they stole a car and hatched a plan to sell tube maps to the Saudis. As they travelled through Oxford they were spotted by Inspector Street, and jumped onto a train to Sheffield, where they sneaked into a convent and disguised themselves as gardeners. They tried to win over the Mother Superior, Sister Mary, by taking her out for a drink, but a mugger, Charles Denton, attacked her and stole her handbag. While this was going on, Inspector Street contacted his police colleagues and Denton was arrested. Wes, Colin and Sister Mary [what happened to Stan?] hailed a taxi to Norwich, but Colin ran out of money.
At this point there was something of a pause in proceedings, and the plot was largely forgotten, but they rang the mysterious Don, who was able to help. Johnny Depp then put in an appearance (for no obvious reason), and a game of Tube Challenger Cluedo commenced, featuring Mrs White, who had recently moved house during a storm. As she sheltered under a tree she met a group of smelly Boy Scouts, who attracted all sorts of vermin. They arranged for it to be exterminated but it came back again, so they bought a cage, which was delivered to the scout leader's house, but he was out.
The scout leader's maid, Ava, took delivery of the cage and gave the delivery men some sweets. She went out to buy some ham for supper, but as she arrived back at the house she noticed that Woody Allen was apparently approaching. (The scout leader, Richard Bromley, had returned by then.) The visitor turned out to be John Collier, a Woody Allen impersonator from Lancashire. Richard and Ava persuaded him to take part in a talent contest that was soon to take place in the northerly Scottish town of Wick, and invited him to stay for supper. They mentioned that Ken Sington might be able to help with parking arrangements in Wick.
As Ava went out to buy some fruit, she spotted a suspicious man who (unknown to her) was a cannibal. She phoned Wes and Colin [who had presumably returned from Norwich in the meantime] and also Stan [making a welcome reappearance], and they agreed to come soon. Then the police arrived, followed for some reason by the Cannabis Alliance leader. The cannibal shot him and was instantly arrested and sentenced to prison.
In prison, Don made a surprise reappearance. It turned out that he was a criminal guru who had slipped up and been arrested. But he had a secret plan to escape by boring through the prison walls, and got into a getaway car, driven by his accomplice Ken. On the journey to Islip (in Oxfordshire) Don asked Ken to marry him, but Ken said he was in love with someone else. When they arrived in Islip Don was rearrested but somehow escaped going back to prison. Don and Ken then headed for Wick in Scotland, where it was revealed that Ken was none other than Ken Sington, the car parking organizer for the talent contest that John Collier was due to take part in.
Don said he was unhappy and would go back south unless Ken sang at the competition. In another unexplained twist, the whole event was transported to Manchester and became the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest, with Ken representing Britain and John representing Ireland. Bizarrely, Azerbaijan was represented by Wes, Colin, Stan and Roy [the stranger in the pub from the early scenes], but just as they were about to go on stage they were arrested by Inspector Street, making a dramatic reappearance. Turkey won the competition, with Ken coming a poor 19th for Britain, and John finishing last for Ireland, mainly because he did the whole song as Woody Allen.
Back in London, Richard and Ava now had a new visitor, Walt Miller, grandson of Walt Disney. In Manchester, Inspector Street took the four suspects to the police station for interrogation. Ken went back to his old job as a car park attendant, when he encountered the cricketer Phil Tufnell. John was talent-spotted by the American impresario Ed G. Ware and taken down to London to arrange a deal. Don, despairing after being abandoned by Ken, headed down into Yorkshire where he entered a monastery on a lonely moor, and pretended to be a soldier.
You'll need to read the rest to find out what happens!