A Story from The Tube ...

[RobbieM]

So she quickly drove to to get some more from the local butcher, Gerry McCANN. ON-STREET parking was available, so it was a quick and efficient visit.

[GuyBarry]

As she drove back to the scoutmaster's house her pace continued to quICKEN. HAM doesn't keep too well in transit.

[RobbieM]

She passed the local archery school. Some careless archers had shot some arrows outside of the range, and these were littered nearby. There was a very posH ARROW ON THE HILLock opposite.

[GuyBarry]

She thought to herself, "That very posh arrow must have come from a very posh BOW". ROAD travel tended to make her mind wander.

[RobbieM]

She'd've been wondering even more if she'd've had some alcoHOL. BORN into a Methodist family, she'd been teetotal all her life.

[GuyBarry]

She'd've been wondering even more if she'd've had some alcoHOL. BORN into a Methodist family, she'd been teetotal all her life.

[Are you really suggesting that she should have taken up drink-driving?]

As she was safely out of alcoHOL LAND, PARKing the car was no problem for her.

[RobbieM]

• Are you really suggesting that she should have taken up drink-driving?

  
  I'm just glad she didn't!

Though something might have made her thought she was hallucinating. For as she got out of the car and looked to the NORTH, WOODy Allen came running towards the house.

[GuyBarry]

She couldn't believe her luck, as she had a secret she'd always been scared of revEALING: BROADWAY Danny Rose was her all-time favourite film. (Closely followed by Annie Vauxhall, Manhatton Cross, and Hannah and Her Seven Sisters. )

[RobbieM]

She approved of what Woody was wearing, though his sweater was interesting deSIGN. "ALL IN Good taste", she thought.

[GuyBarry]

The scoutmaster, Richard Bromley, was waiting inside. "Where have you been?" he asked.
"To get some more ham," she said excitedly. "But I was distracted, Mr BROMLEY, BY BOWs and arrows. And you won't believe this, but" - she emitted a loud crOAK - "WOODy Allen is on his way!"

[RobbieM]

"Really?" said Richard. "Woody's my favourite actor! Once when I was camping with the scouts, in the SOUTH WOOD FOR Days on end, we kept ourselves amused by quoting lines from 'SLEEPER'. So much fun we had!"

[GuyBarry]

There was a knock at the door, and he opened it. A familiar figure in glasses stood outside.

"Hi! My name's John."
"But we thought..."
"I know, don't tell me. I'm the beST. JOHN'S WOODy Allen impersonations are the most convincing you'll find anywhere!"

[RobbieM]

"So, where do you come from?" asked Richard.

John replied in Lancastrian tones, "I come from CHORLEY. WOODy Allen impersonaters are very rare in my town."

[GuyBarry]

"I can imagine that. But what brings you here?"
"My pot plant's wilting. CAN ADA WATER it please?"
"Her name's Ava, not Ada."
"That's a shame. I came here on the specific understanding that one of the occupants was called Ada. I think you'll understand why."

[RobbieM]

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you" said Richard. "But I was so convinced by your impression, I think it deserves wider publicity. What's your surname?"
"It's Collier", said John. "Why do you ask?"
"Well," said Richard, "once news of John COLLIER'S WOODy Allen impression gets out, you could be famous!"