A Story from The Tube ...

[The Orange One]

"Anyway, we shall have a fEAST! HAM goes (as does STOCK) WELL with fruit, so pop down to Cherry Vale, the LIME HOUSE, Dragonfruit Heathway and Grape Portland Street to pick something up," said Richard.

StEPPING out, Ava saw an amazing sight...

[Cue the Fruit and Veg Stations thread - these creations come from tractakid, Kev, and a number of others, not me. Feel free to visit the Spinach-ley Road though.]

[GuyBarry]

She was only employed as a serving-woMAN OR HOUSEmaid, and yet at the moment she felt like a QUEEN. SWAYing in the breeze, beneath the cOLD STREETlamps, she saw...

[RobbieM]

...another, very suspicious, looking chap. Little did she know, but he was actually a canniBAL; HAM wasn't on the menu for him.

[The Orange One]

Popping into a phone box, she called some old friends, WES TACTON, COLIN DALE and STAN MORE (Remember them?), who were stEALING COMMON objects from the local stoRE, D. BRIDGE's. They agreed to come soon. Meanwhile, our cannibAL, PERT ON a bench, was stroking his moustaCHE SHAMelessly.

[RobbieM]

He was waiting to make his move, and was listening to "And You Tell Me", (a lesser known song by Scandinavian group a-HA, IN 'A'). ULTimately, he was ready to go for it...

[hopeful traveller]

The police arrived, followed by a sudden burst of black cars, out of which popped out the new Cannabis Alliance leader.
"NO!"
RTHH ARROWs were shot. The new Cannabis Alliance leader was dead and he was shot at by our cannibal.

[GuyBarry]

[I am having grave difficulty following the latest plot twist. And what does "RTHH" stand for?]

The policeman got out of the car and walked up to the cannibal. "Well, I'm very pleased you decided to wait for the police to arrive before shooting," he said. "Makes my job a lot easier. I've dealt with thousands of criminals in my time but rarely one as diM OR DENse as you."

[hopeful traveller]

[I am having grave difficulty following the latest plot twist. And what does "RTHH" stand for?]

The policeman got out of the car and walked up to the cannibal. "Well, I'm very pleased you decided to wait for the police to arrive before shooting," he said. "Makes my job a lot easier. I've dealt with thousands of criminals in my time but rarely one as diM OR DENse as you."

RTHH stands for "Right, They're Head Hunters!!"

He was eventually sentenced to prison after a lengthy courts procedure. Prison was full of even dimmer criminals - especially during Monopoly:

"£200 for passing go. Right, your TURN, PIKE."
"LANE."
"No, Pike, read out the first word firST."
"ONE..."
"BRIDGE..."
"PARK! Got it! Park Lane!"

Our cannibal won the game. Only because he robbed the bank.

[The Orange One]

the BANK (you mean).

[GuyBarry]

the BANK (you mean).

[Sorry, that's illegal according to the opening post in the thread...]

Many of his criminal associates were still at large, and he saw thEM BANK MENTal amounts of money during his sentence.

[The Orange One]

He spent the majority of his time writing EPPINGc and intrEPPINGd EPPINGstles (sorry, couldn't resist) to his associates. He gave a plan, to attack WILL ESDEN, GREEN light to go. The plan consisted of:

1) Assemble 7 in the MORNING, TON CRESCENT.
2) Meet WILL ESDEN, JUNCTION of DAGENHAM HEATH WAY and Ton Crescent.
3) Attack.

Remember, he was diM OR DENse!

[GuyBarry]

But the police had plenty of information to ACT ON. TOWN hall staff had intercepted the letters and passed them on.

[RobbieM]

• Oh, this is fun! I'm keeping a list of 'used' stations/words etc. Some of them are invalid, some of them are used twice, but they all add to the plot somehow... I still need convincing about 'RTHH' though...

They might have got away with it had the letters been written in HinDI. STRICT orders had been given not to intercept any letters in Sanskrit.

[GuyBarry]

• Oh, this is fun! I'm keeping a list of 'used' stations/words etc. Some of them are invalid, some of them are used twice, but they all add to the plot somehow... I still need convincing about 'RTHH' though...

[Are there any rules against using a station name twice? What I'm trying to do is get through as many station names as I can. It'd be interesting to know how many are left to go - there are quite a number that are going to be an absolute nightmare to fit in.

I agree with you about "RTHH", but I'm assuming some limited use of initials is OK - e.g. "R. Smith in the High Street".]

And tHEN DON, CENTRAL to the plot, made a surprising appearance...

[RobbieM]

• Are there any rules against using a station name twice?

  
  No, that's fine! Just an interesting observation.
  

  I'm assuming some limited use of initials is OK - e.g. "R. Smith in the High Street".

  
  Of course! I guess more than two adjacent 'random' initials might be suspect, though.

...and he announced to our cannibal, "Are you really so dim? There isn't a road called 'Ton Crescent' in DAGENHAM. EAST London has several strange road names, but none as strange as that!"